Gorram that Girl!
by Koboldlord
Summary: Jayne has been having some confusing thoughts about River, ones that make him uncomfortable. Rayne oneshot, pre-BDM. Book also appears. Oneshot.


"Jayne is a girl's name!' River's mocking voice tormented the big merc from her hiding spot. Jayne's scowl warped his bearded face. He'd had enough of this 'girl name' stuff the last time River had gotten on that kick.

"For the last gorram time!" Jayne bellowed, "Its Jayne! J-A-Y-N-E! The girl name Jane is spelled J-A-N-E. You're a mind reading genius, can't you spell a simple name?" From her hiding place River blew a raspberry at him, her laughter echoing throughout the cargo hold. "Maybe he's sensitive?" She mused to herself, loudly enough that he could hear, "He worries that his girl name makes him less of a man?"

"At least I know how to eat Ice Planet!" Jayne snapped back, it was a petty insult sure, but it made him feel better. The bulky man muttered several very nasty words under his breath. As a kid he'd been tormented a good bit for his less than usual name. Of course he'd just beat up anyone who made fun of him or his name, it was a system that served him well enough, but River, that moon brain managed to get under his skin like no one else could. With her shimmering brown eyes and mattered dark hair, the kind that begged him to run his hand through...

Jayne shook his head. Where'd that thought come from? Run his hand through her hair? Maybe he should see the doc, he was coming down with something. Mind you, the doctor would probably only make things worse. Jayne could picture it in his mind, that fancy pants boy mocking him with his book-learning and his education. Bah! He couldn't have survived out here like Jayne had. He had to focus on finding that girl. What scared him was that this wasn't the first thought he'd had about River in a more than comradely way, she was popping into his mind more and more. He'd even dreamt about her once, wearing considerably less clothing than normal, that had been both awkward and very enjoyable.

The rafters above his head sounded with her light and swift footsteps, dodging over him on those long legs of hers. Jayne could picture them now, a silky alabaster shade, unmarred by scars. She'd be wearing boots, big ones, boots fit for a fighter. Or even better no boots at all, she'd be barefooted. Jayne liked a woman who wore boots, not some pansy Core-dwelling dependant but a real woman. How was it that he could picture River's legs so well? Not to mention the way the temperature seemed to rise when he thought about touching them. He would lean close, his beard tickling her silky smooth face, her hair smelling like a fresh spring rain...

He shook his head a lot harder this time. He really was coming down with something! He could never imagine himself kissing River like that. Could he? He bet she tasted really sweet, like sugar water. She'd have to stand on her tip toes and he'd have to bend down to make the connection. There was something sweet and romantic about it really.

Sweet? Romantic? He was Jayne Cobb! The toughest mercenary in the Verse! He didn't do anything sweet or romantic and not with River! Definitely not with that moon brained crazy! Oh but she was easy on the eyes, her hair just... it flowed around her shoulders, like midnight itself, a shimmering sexy midnight. And he hadn't been kidding earlier about those legs either, they were... well...they were... Jayne wasn't sure how to describe them without sounding like the perverted middle aged merc he was. Not to mention that she was tight in ALL the right places, with the most fascinating eyes Jayne'd ever seen in a woman's head; and he'd seen plenty of those. More than that, she had this expression, one that got his blood running hot and made him shift in his seat to prevent uncomfortableness. It was that sly little smirk she got on her face, whenever she pulled a fast one on anyone, or knew something you didn't. One side of her mouth would twitch up, her nose would shift ever so slight and her eyes would gleam.

Jayne slapped himself that time, that was way too far! He needed a drink, a nice hard one! And a woman! Yeah that was probably it, he hadn't had any in a while, that's where these ideas were coming from. Thankfully River seemed to have skipped off to bother someone else, probably Mal. The captain was being a might tense since that last job, he could use the pestering. Besides, the pesterer in question was real cute. Cute? That sealed the deal. He needed that drink now!

Jayne took the first step up the ladder at a run, glancing backwards over his shoulder, trying not to think what River might say if she saw him moving so quickly up a ladder. He could hear her in the back of his mind. _"Running from Ghosts Jayne?*Playful laugh* Ghosts aren't real, that's just the psychology of the human mind trying to explain something it feels, an emotion. People who die stay dead, its science."_

The big mercenary stuck his head into the galley, checking both ways, no River, just Shepard Book, sitting at the table leafing through his old Bible. Casually Jayne strolled over to the counter, maybe there was some whiskey left out, he could use some mind numbing liquids right about now. He was doing far too much thinking.

Book looked up at the slightly flustered mercenary with concern, "Are you alright my friend?" His tone wasn't condescending or derogatory, it was the tone of one friend to another.

Some might look down on old Jayne Cobb for become friends with a Shepard, but Jayne found the preacher's words to be sound and his lifestyle down to earth. He was just another man trying to make his way in the 'Verse, though his strength came from something Jayne couldn't understand and probably never would.

"I'm okay," Jayne fudged pouring himself a glass of whiskey from a bottle someone had left out. Judging by the date printed on the label it wasn't one of their finer brews. Jayne sniffed the contents in the glass once, finding the smell pleasant enough downed it all. "I'm just having some...thoughts. I ain't sure where they came from." He poured himself a second glass of the stuff, sitting down next to Book.

The preacher nodded understandingly, closing his Bible and folding his hands. "Are these thoughts... about a woman?" Maybe it was divine revelation or maybe Jayne just had a terrible poker face, but Shepard Book was dead on with his question.

Jayne bobbed his head, taking a sip from his glass, "Yeah, but its who that woman is and what the thoughts entail that's the weird part."

Book shut his eyes and leaned back in his chair, hands still folded, "I take it there is more to these thoughts than..." He paused, trying to put what he was thinking into words fit for decent company.

"Rutting?" Jayne answered, displaying his lack of tact once again.

Book nodded, not opening his eyes, though the ghost of a smile danced across his lips. "Once again you prove yourself to be a master wordsmith. But yes, is there more to these thoughts than purely bodily functions?"

"Are you asking if I'm liking this woman for more than a quick fix?" Book gave a single nod. "Well, I think so. I find myself thinking about her more, then promptly asking myself, why the rutt would you think that? Have you lost your gorram mind? Then I try not to think about her again, which means she's gonna waltz back into my brain. Looking all sexy like, but there's more than that. She's got this charming way about her, I don't know, it makes me want to be around her constantly. Its weird. Then I sit there wondering why I didn't want to think about her in the first place..." Jayne's voice trailed off when he realized how much of a monolog he'd gone into.

Book spoke some very simple words, "It sounds like you are in love Mr Cobb." Jayne's eyes widened in something resembling terror. "That don't sound healthsome! Love, isn't that for dumb kids getting themselves killed? Don't bad things happen to people who love?"

Book's voice maintained an element of sorrow, "It can, but love is a powerful force, one that can build up, or destroy a man. The question is Jayne, will this be the former or the later?"

Book left the words hanging while Jayne pondered the question, "Well preacher," the burly merc responded, downing the rest of his drink, "I'm not sure if I'm in love yet. I don't think I'd call it if I was. But I hope its not love," he added under his breath, "Maybe I'll think on this some more."

Going back to his Bible, Book responded, "Wise decision my friend."

Jayne took another swig from the bottle before slinking down the corridor towards his personal quarters. He didn't see River for that walk, that was just as well. The burly Merc knew for a fact he didn't want too at that moment.

After closing and locking the door behind him Jayne sat down on his bunk. In the stillness of his cabin, surrounded by his weapons and gear Jayne felt his world and somewhat muddled brain reorder itself into normality. Laying himself down on his mattress while staring up at the ceiling, Jayne realized there was still room for a certain dark-haired Moon brain next to him, if she squeezed.

For perhaps the twelfth time that day Jayne Cobb shook his head violently, trying to clear his mind. Gorram that girl! What was she doing to him?

* * *

River felt his prescience as the man called Jayne breezed past her hiding place in the hallway. He was a mix of battling emotions, shock, lust, love and rage, with fear thrown in, oh yes much fear. He felt like a vortex, a black hole in an otherwise smooth space.

River knew the color of his emotions they were plain and simple before her, red, shades of red, a cold blue and some pink. Actually a good amount of pink. Jayne wouldn't like knowing that some of his spirit was colored pink, the thought of him discovering that brought a smile to River's lips. Yet buried within that tempest of whirling thoughts and emotions one thing was obvious, Jayne Cobb wanted her, River Tam, and for more than physical attraction. She wasn't sure why, but River felt herself drawn back towards him. He may have been a burly, crude and simple mercenary, but she couldn't shake her thoughts about him. Thoughts that couldn't be solved with mathematics or science of any number of theories, it just was, and River could accept that. After all, she theorized that he tasted like salt and oil, and there was only one way to answer THAT question.

Yet despite the blustering and his own self arguments Jayne knew who held his heart; she was waiting for him. But how long would it take for him to claim it?


End file.
